I Am Feeling Distant

²³ Search me, God, and know my heart;
   test me and know my anxious thoughts.

 ²⁴ See if there is any offensive way in me,
   and lead me in the way everlasting. (Psalm 139:23-24)

It has felt like lately I have not felt as close to God as I normally do.  I am feeling distant and weary.  I noticed that I am not as willing to dive into His word. I am missing God’s presence and voice in my life.  I know in my heart that this is due to something I have done/thought/said.  I have doubted His provision for my family.  I am so anxious to be at home, to care for my children in my home, and not have to be away 9 hours a day to help support the household.  I am letting this anxiousness separate me from my God.  He is going to do things according to His plan for me and I need to remember that.  I cannot keep wishing that tomorrow would be the day, because tomorrow might not be His choice of days for me to follow my heart’s desire.  I cannot sit here and say that I will be at home one day.  It is up to God, not me.  I can ask God to make it possible for me if it is His will. I am letting this be part of what is distancing me.  I need to submit my thoughts and life to God.  He needs to direct me “in the way everlasting.”  I am on my knees asking God to forgive my impatience, my stubbornness, and all the other things I am letting between him and me.  God knows my heart even when it is at its weakest. When my heart is full of doubt, God still knows what is located there.  Amongst all the doubt, the impatience, my distance, He loves me still.  He knows me down to the number of hairs on my head. 

May God Bless You Every Day,

Dana Chappell

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